


Pain and Release

by Bubbles759



Series: Fire Alarms and Cooking Lessons [6]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo gets to fuss, Finally, Pain, Poor Fíli, Thorin and Fili get to talk, migraines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7866874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759/pseuds/Bubbles759
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin and Fili haven't spoken since Thorin kicked him out. That's about to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set a few months after Hard Times. It's Fili centric (again). Prepare for some Bilbo mothering to happen in the second chapter.

Fili had suffered migraines as long as he could remember. The excruciating, head splitting, mind squeezing pain that he couldn’t describe to anyone tearing through his skull with no rhyme or reason, no triggers that he could find, and no regularity.

Doctors were convinced that he had developed them after the accident that killed his parents, and no amount of arguing from him or Thorin would change their minds. No amount of medication or treatments worked, much to the doctor’s disgust. At one point, they were sure Fili was making them up but they couldn’t deny it any longer when the small blonde boy was bought in, body shaking and tears streaming down his face from the pain.

All he could do was to try and prevent one happening, and if it occurred, to try and manage it as best he could. A cold, dark, silent room. And ice pack on his eyes. A heat pack on the back of his neck. And sleep if he could get it.

He hadn’t had one in almost 12 months.

But today...

Oh today he had one. And it punched him in the face, and set him on his arse.

It started with a niggling headache. He woke with it, just sitting behind his eyes, his right temple throbbing slightly in time with his heartbeat. He stood under the shower, the hot water and high pressure relaxing the tight muscles in his shoulders and neck. He washed down a couple of ibuprofen with an almost scalding cup of coffee before he headed off to work, going via _Blue Mountains_ and getting another coffee for the tube ride.

When he got to the station, Lara, one of his partners, was already there, sitting in the back of the bus, a clipboard on her knees. She looked up as he made his way to the open doors.

“Hey, you look like shit. Big night?” she greeted him.

Fili shook his head, then instantly regretted it. “Just a headache. What are we doing?”

Lara looked him over critically, cataloguing the circles under his eyes, and the way his body seemed to scream exhaustion. He’d been helping out around the ambulance station for the past few months. He had been working as a junior paramedic. It worked for all concerned; Fili got the required practical experience for his degree while getting paid for actually working and knowing that he had a guaranteed job at the end of it, the station didn’t need to look for another paramedic or integrate someone new to the crew. He obviously couldn’t do anything medical, but he rode in the bus with Lara or Sam, and got some hands on experience. And it meant that he didn’t need to work anywhere else.

Fili and Lara had been working closely together since he started. She knew that Fili wasn’t feeling well but if he wanted to be stubborn about it then there was nothing she could do.

“Inventory.” She handed him the clipboard but he shook his head.

“You tell me what’s on the list, I’ll count how much we’ve got.”

Lara sighed, but relented. She wasn’t his mother, as much as she acted like it, and she couldn’t push him. She would, however, be keeping a very close eye on him.

********

The shift was going well, only one call out, and only a minor one at that, and then it was back to inventory, and organising the bus.

Then everything went to shit.

Fili held his head in his hands, eyes closed, taking deep breaths trying to quell the rising nausea. It didn’t work. Before Lara could ask if he was ok he was up, bolting for the toilets. His knees hit the tiled floor and he was bringing up breakfast before the door had even closed behind him. He felt a cool hand on the back of his neck, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than his body trying to reject his organs as well as everything he’d ever eaten, and the way every heave made the pain in his head increase and spike through his brain. By the time he was done he had tears running down his face, and his body felt like he was sitting in the Sahara. He could vaguely feel someone running a hand up and down his spine, a soft voice in his ear and a wet cloth on the back of his neck.

He managed to sit back, leaning his back on the cubicle wall with his eyes closed. He never noticed he was trembling.

“Fili? What’s wrong?”

He cracked his eyes open enough to see Lara leaning over his worriedly, the Captain standing in the open door. “Headache,” he croaked.

“This is not a headache,” she insisted, and it drove a spike of pain through his head. He went to say something else but she stuck a morphine whistle between his lips. He resigned himself to her mother hen-ing, sucking on the whistle while she took his temperature, blood pressure and heart rate. The morphine was working wonders when she was done.

“He’s going home,” she told the captain who nodded his assent.

“No, I’m fine,” he protested, trying, and failing, to stand.

“I’ll call Dwalin.” And with that, the captain was gone. Fili sank back to the ground and Lara ran a hand through his sweaty blonde hair.

“What’s going on kid?” she asked him softly, smiling a little when Fili leaned into her touch.

“Migraine.”

“Get them often?”

“No. Thankfully.”

They lapsed back into peaceful silence for a while and Fili was almost asleep when the alarm ripped through the house. Fili groaned and Lara looked up listening to the dispatch voice, glad when it wasn’t their bus that was called.

The station had just lapsed back into silence when heavy footsteps echoed through the toilets.

“Could you learn to walk quietly?” Fili asked as they came to a stop outside the cubicle.

“God, you’re a mess kid.” He felt Lara move away and a larger presence take her place. He sighed when Dwalin’s large, cool hand rested on his forehead. He felt hands under his armpits and tried, unsuccessfully, to struggle against them.

“No, Dwalin, let me go. I’m fine.”

Dwalin chuckled next to his ear. “No kid, you’re not. You’re going home.”

Fili struggled as much as he could on the way to the cab Dwalin had asked to stay. He vaguely heard Lara say something, then Dwalin reply, and then he was in the back of a cab and out like a light.

********

Dwalin gave the cabbie the address, and looked over at Fili, who was curled up against the window. The kid wasn’t going to like it when he woke up, but he didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t taking him back to the apartment they shared.

********

Thorin grumbled as the thumping from the door reverberated through the house. It was 10am on a Sunday morning for God’s sake.

“What?” he growled as he tore open the door. His anger disappeared when he saw Dwalin, Fili in his arms, standing on the doorstep.

Dwalin didn’t answer, shouldering past Thorin and up the stairs to what was Fili’s room. He carefully placed the sleeping kid on the bed, flicking on the ceiling fan and closing the door behind him. He could hear Thorin clanging in the kitchen, no doubt making coffee, as he made his way down the stairs.

“Is he ok?” Thorin asked without turning around, fear threaded through his voice.

“Migraine.” Dwalin answered as he slouched into a chair at the dining table, and he saw Thorin’s shoulders visibly slump with relief. “He probably won’t be too happy to wake up here but I have the afternoon shift, and I didn’t want him to be on his own. It looks like a bad one.”

Thorin made his way to the table, 2 cups of coffee in his hands. He sat heavily in a chair. “Thank you, for bringing him here.” He pushed one cup towards Dwalin.

“I figured it was about time you two talked.” Dwalin took a sip of his coffee, and then put it down, adding a few spoons of sugar and stirring. “You never told me what happened between you two.”

Thorin shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid. **_I_** was stupid.” He sighed. “But you’re right. We need to talk, to sort all this out and put it behind us.”

Dwalin grunted and drank his coffee, watching as Thorin played with the mug and fiddled with the spoon before drinking his own coffee.

“Thank you,” Thorin eventually said, “for taking him in.” Dwalin looked up in surprise. “Bilbo told me what happened. Or, as much as he knew anyway.”

Dwalin sighed, knowing what his friend was asking without him actually asking. “He couldn’t stay in that flat. It would have killed him. He was working 2 jobs, studying full time, could barely afford rent, his heating was only on when he had no other choice, his hot water was only hot sometimes, his fridge was empty. I couldn’t leave him there. Bilbo would have killed me.”

Thorin chuckled slightly. “I think he would have done more than that.” He smiled a little as he saw Dwalin shudder. Bilbo was over a head shorter than the other men, but he still scared the shit out of both of them. Thorin grimaced when he remembered what Bilbo had done to him when he finally found Fili.

“Do you think...” Thorin hesitated. “Do you think he would want to come home?”

“I don’t know. He’s not the same kid you threw out of here Thorin. He’s changed and grown, and I think he likes having his independence.”

Thorin sighed and rubbed a hand across his eyes. He heard the chair scrape across the floor, and then a hand settled on his shoulder. “Talk to him. You never know what he’ll say.”

Thorin kept his head in his hands as he heard Dwalin rinse his coffee cup and leave the room. He heard the front door open, then shut, and he lost track of how long he sat there for. Eventually he rose, putting a wheat bag in the microwave for a few minutes while he rummaged around in the freezer for an ice pack. He then filled a glass with cold water, and took all three things to Fili’s room, trying not to drop anything.

He silently entered the room, wincing at the pain he could see written on Fili’s features. He set the glass on the bedside table, and the wrapped ice pack on Fili’s forehead. Fili’s eyes cracked open, but they were hazy with pain.

“Th-Thorin?”

“Shh, you’re ok Fili. Roll over for a second.”

Confused blue eyes blinked up at him, but Fili did as asked and Thorin slipped the wheat bag across the back of Fili’s neck and shoulders, pressing against him to get him to roll back onto his back. As the heat soaked into tense muscles, and the coolness soaked into hot skin, Fili sighed in relief.

“Thanks uncle,” he slurred as his eyes closed. Thorin smiled gently as he ran a hand through sweat soaked blonde hair, pressing it back off his forehead.

“You’re ok Fili. You’re ok.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother hen-ing, and Thorin and Fili finally start to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had a very long day so what better way to fix it than a bit of writing? We finally get to see Thorin and FIli interact, and also Thorin and Bilbo. No tissues needed for this one. Unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine.
> 
> Enjoy :D

When Fili woke the first time, a fuzzy feeling was wrapped around his brain, pain still lingering behind his eyes, but not really bothering him. He shifted in the bed, pleased when his limbs felt heavy, but his head didn’t protest the movements. He noticed the dark room, the soft ticking noise alerting him the presence of a ceiling fan, and he hummed softly in the back of his throat. The pulsing pain in his head was gone, along with the roiling stomach, the over sensitivity, and the intense feeling of overheating. Instead, he snuggled down under the duvet, content with the whirring of the fan and the darkness of the room. He could see the sun peaking in around the heavy curtains but he paid it no mind.

As he fell back to sleep, he was sure he heard his uncle’s voice rumbling softly to him, and a feather light touch as fingers combed through his hair. He was asleep before he could process any of it.

********

Bilbo arrived home some hours later, to find Thorin pacing up and down the kitchen. He placed a lever arch folder and his satchel on the table, startling Thorin out of his own little world. Bilbo chuckled as he moved across the kitchen and flicked the kettle to boil. He lifted the lid on the cake stand, cutting 2 large pieces of the sponge cake he had made the day previous, before he made himself a cup of tea. He didn’t bother making one for Thorin, he knew it would be wasted. He placed one piece in front of Thorin’s seat and one in front of his own, before physically forcing Thorin into the seat and placing a fork in his hand.

“Don’t you want to know what’s going on?” Thorin looked apprehensive, something Bilbo hadn’t seen on his face very often over the course of their relationship.

“Afternoon tea first. Everything looks better with a full stomach.” Bilbo patted his soft belly with a smile before he dug the fork into the cake, making sure to get an equal amount of jam and cream as well.

Thorin couldn’t hold back a snort at that. Food was Bilbo’s answer to everything. When the chef had stumbled into Thorin’s life and discovered the shy, silent little boy who had lost his parents only months before, Bilbo had become determined to do everything he could to help the struggling pair. He would regularly pop ‘round with a box of biscuits, or a cake, and occasionally full meals, always under the pretence that he’d cooked too much and someone needed to eat them that wasn’t him.

Thorin never believed him, but the treats helped pull Fili from his shell, and for that Thorin would always be forever grateful. Even if it hadn’t led to a relationship, and eventual marriage, Thorin would have kept Bilbo in their lives to keep a smile on Fili’s face. It had continued throughout their lives together. Any time one of them had a bad day, Bilbo would migrate to the kitchen and whip up some fabulous meal or dessert. And if he himself had had a bad day, he would whip up a 3 course meal and then some. Thorin and Fili had often come home to see all the bench space in their considerable kitchen covered with various pies, and cakes, and scones, and pastries of all varieties. Their neighbours and friends all looked forward to those days.

When the cake was gone and the plates in the dishwasher, Bilbo sat nursing his tea. He looked at Thorin expectantly and Thorin sighed.

“Fili is here.”

“What?” Bilbo’s shriek made him glad they didn’t own a dog. It would have lost its hearing at the pitch Bilbo’s voice reached. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He held up a hand to stop any more of Bilbo’s questions. “You were the one who said you didn’t want to know until we had eaten. And anyway, Dwalin bought him home. He had a migraine at work, and Dwalin works the afternoon shift today. He didn’t want him to be alone, so he bought him here.”

Bilbo rose from his seat and climbed into his husband’s lap. He stroked a hand through the silver shot black strands, soothing him in the same way he soothed his nephew. “I’m sorry. Is he ok?”

Thorin nodded. “I want him to stay Bilbo. I.. I want him to come home.” Bilbo held Thorin as he buried his head in his shoulder and tried to get his emotions under control as he continued to run a hand through the thick hair. Bilbo didn’t bother wasting his breath on meaningless, comforting words.

“We’ll talk to him. And even if he doesn’t come home, maybe we can convince him to come for dinner once a week or so.” Thorin snorted into the shoulder under his head at the predictability of his husband. Everything could be fixed with food.

********

When Fili woke next, he woke as if from a peaceful, restful sleep. The kind you have on a Sunday morning, when there is no alarm to force you from sleep, where you’re body wakes slowly, naturally, allowing you to stretch like a cat and settle back into yourself.

Awareness was slow to come, his brain still a little muddled, and fuzzy with sleep. He had a residual headache, the one he knew would linger for a few more days as they always did, but the brain shattering pain was gone. He shifted in bed, sinking into the soft sheets, the warm duvet that had a comfortable weight without being heavy, and the wonderfully comfortable mattress under him.

It was the smell of warm tea that drew him from his sleepy thoughts. He remembered Dwalin getting him from work, but after that was a blank. He thought he vaguely remembered Thorin’s voice but he was sure that had been a dream.

But the tea..?

Sure, he and Dwalin had tea in their flat, he occasionally drank tea, especially after a migraine, but Dwalin wasn’t so great with making it. And he would wait for Fili to wake up and make it out of the bedroom, or at least ask when Dwalin checked in on him, rather than making it and letting it sit on the side table.

And the smell...

He could smell apple and pears and he knew they _definitely_ didn’t have any sort of special tea. Which left Bilbo. But, even that didn’t make sense.

Until he rolled onto his side and actually took in his room.

The room that had been his own until Thorin kicked him out a little over 12 months ago.

_“What the hell is going on?”_ he thought to himself just as the door opened and Bilbo bustled in, a small plate with an array of biscuits arranged on top in his hand.

“Oh you’re awake. Your uncle will be so pleased,” he chirped as he settled on the bed, placing the plate next to the, as yet, untouched, tea.

He scooted around on the bed, forcing Fili to sit up as he fluffed and plumped the many pillows on the bed, then making Fili sit back, resting his back against the headboard. Then he handed him the cup. Fili was left with no choice but to drink the still hot tea. He watched as Bilbo fussed with the covers, removing the wheat pack from where it was lost under the blankets.

“Bilbo? Are you ok?” Fili tentatively asked.

“I’m fine my boy. It’s me who should be asking how you’re feeling! Thorin said this one was bad. Dwalin had to get you from work?” Bilbo’s hands kept playing with the duvet until Fili wound his fingers through his.

“Uncle?” FIli gave a soft tug on the fingers he held. Bilbo finally looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

Bilbo sniffed, and shook his head. “You first. How are you? Are you feeling better?”

Fili sighed and resigned himself to the fussing Bilbo was known for. He let him take his temperature with a hand on his forehead, and he ran a hand through the blonde locks before running strong fingers up and down the back of Fili’s neck, fingers on either side of Fili’s spine. Fili couldn’t help but melt slightly at the pressure that was unwinding the last of the tension held in the muscles there and he let out a sigh.

“I’m ok Uncle Bilbo. It was a bad migraine, but not the worst I’ve ever had. I’ve got a slight headache, but nothing worse than I usually have after a day like today. My stomach feels fine, but I don’t want to try to eat anything too heavy to start. I could do with some water, but the tea is helping too. And I’m tired.”

“You look tired.” Thorin’s voice came from the doorway, and Fili’s head shot up to stare at the Uncle he’d neither seen nor spoken to in more than a year. “But I’m glad to see you awake and up.” Bilbo moved up and pressed a kiss to Fili’s forehead before slipping out of the room, allowing Thorin to move in. “Can I..?” He gestured to the bed, where Bilbo had just been sitting.

Fili just nodded. He was struggling to reconcile the uncle sitting in front of him, hesitant and unsure with the man who had raised him, always calm and in control. Thorin settled the plate of biscuits between them. “Eat something. You know it will help with the headache. And Dwalin said you’d been sick. The sugars will help.”

On autopilot, Fili reached out, taking a shortbread finger and eating it slowly, eyes still fixed on Thorin, who couldn’t hold his gaze.

“Why am I here?” he finally asked.

“Dwalin bought you here. He has the afternoon shift today, and he didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“You... you don’t mind?”

“No, of course not. I’m glad he bought you here. I was so worried when I opened the door to find him carrying you. I... I thought...” Thorin broke off and cleared his throat. He took the now empty cup from Fili’s unresisting fingers and set it back on the side table.

“I’m sorry Fili.” Fili dropped the shortbread. He had never known Thorin to apologise to anyone but Bilbo. “I overreacted when you told me that you had been accepted into the paramedic course. All I could see was your father, and what you have had to go through, and I... I lost my temper.”

Fili was speechless. He sat with his mouth open, staring at his uncle, the shortbread forgotten on his lap. He blinked a few times, trying to reorient himself in a world that felt like it had just been upended.

“I ah...” Fili ran a hand over his face. “What are you..?”

“I shouldn’t have done what I did. I shouldn’t have said what I said to you. I was wrong. I let my fear take over, and instead of protecting you like I wanted, I pushed you away-”

“You threw me out.” Fili interrupted in a whisper. “You gave me 20 minutes to pack what I could and you threw me out of the only home I’ve ever really known.” He couldn’t keep his voice from shaking or the tears from his eyes. Thorin looked up from where he had been tracing the patterns on the duvet with his eyes.

“I am so, **_so_** sorry for that Fili. A few hours after you’d gone, you hadn’t come back and I’d come to my senses. I tried to call you but you’d left your phone here. I spent hours driving around the city, going anywhere I thought you might have been, looking for you. I called everyone I could think of, and no one had seen you or heard from you. I spent all those months until Dwalin found you terrified that your name would be on the news one night, found dead in an alleyway and I knew it would have been all my fault. My own stubbornness and fear pushed you away and nearly killed you.” Fili was astounded to see tears start to roll down Thorin’s face, and into the dark stubble covering his jaw.

“It’s not-” Fili stopped and took a deep breath. “I should have spoken to you about it. I blindsided you with the information. All you knew was that I was interested in the medical program. And I kept it to you on purpose. I know what happened with dad, and I know how hard it was on you. I don’t remember a lot from then, but I remember how devastated you were, how hard it was for you back then. And I didn’t take that into consideration. I knew you’d want to stop me going, and I thought that  if I just told you what I was going to do, you wouldn’t be able to stop me. I didn’t... I didn’t think... I didn’t think you’d throw me out.” Fili’s voice hitched, the last sentence jagged and broken, his voice thick with unshed tears. Tears he could see mirrored in Thorin’s eyes.

Without warning Thorin enveloped Fili in to an all encompassing hug, and Fili broke down in the comfort and safety of the only thing he could remember feeling like home. Thorin’s arms were always strong, and warm, and he’d always felt safe in them. Always felt safe in his uncle’s presence. And, even after everything, that didn’t seem to have changed.

Thorin held the sobbing boy in his arms, rocking slightly in the way he used to when Fili woke from nightmares and couldn’t sleep. And, as he had back then, his tears petered out, and Fili went limp, having cried himself to sleep. Thorin gently lay him back down, covering him with the duvet, mindful of the biscuit and removing it from the bed. When he was satisfied FIli was comfortable he turned to leave and found Bilbo leaning against the door frame, his eyes red, and tear tracks on his cheeks. Thorin walked to his husband, enfolding him in his arms and Bilbo leaned his weight on his broad chest.

“He’s home,” Bilbo murmured into the dark grey t shirt, worn soft with use.

“He is. And I’ll do my very best to get him to stay,” Thorin mumbled into still golden curls before he pressed a kiss there. He herded his husband out of the room, silently closing the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think only one more chapter after this one. And now I have a question:
> 
> Do you want a happy future Fi/Ki fic? Or the heartbreaking, FIli backstory about how he came to live with Thorin?
> 
> Both are in the works at the moment, so I leave it up to you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Fili and Thorin get everything out in the open. But there's a lot of things Fili hasn't told anyone about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Just over 4500 words. And I only just realised that this is my 10th fic! Thank you all for your amazing comments and the kudos' and the bookmarks. I feel so very very loved in this fandom. 
> 
> You may need some tissues for this part. Yes, things are starting to get resolved, but, take the tissues just in case.

When Fili woke the next time, eyes gritty and throat dry from crying, it was to the smell of lamb roasting in the oven. He could hear Bilbo singing, badly off key, in the kitchen through the half open door and he smiled softly to himself. He stretched under the covers before rolling over and stopping dead at the sight of Thorin sitting in a chair next to the bed, a thick paperback novel in his hands. Thorin did a double take as he looked over the top of the book, seeing Fili awake again.

“You didn’t have to babysit me.” Fili gingerly pushed himself up and leaned back against the headboard. He swallowed harshly against the dry throat, grateful for the glass of water his uncle handed him. “Are you kicking me out again?” he asked quietly, after finishing the glass.

Thorin couldn’t stop the grimace from crossing his face. “No, I’m not. Bilbo wants to know if you prefer beans or peas with dinner.”

“Beans.”

Thorin nodded his head. “I told him you’d say that, but he wouldn’t believe me. In all honesty, I think he just wanted me out of the kitchen. And I think it was his _incredibly_ subtle way of telling me to talk to you.”

Fili chuckled at that. The last time Bilbo had tried to be subtle was Thorin’s 50th birthday party a couple of years before. It had all been planned, right down to the minute, without Thorin ever knowing, until they had come to getting Thorin to leave the house. Both Fili and Bilbo had tried coercion, persuading, and almost pleading, but Thorin was adamant that he was spending the Saturday in the house. Eventually Bilbo lost it.

“Get out you git, so we can prepare for this afternoon!” His face had lost all its colour and Fili hadn’t been sure whether to laugh, or cower in fear. Luckily Thorin acted oblivious, although Fili knew better, and he left, allowing everyone to converge on the Oakenshield/Baggins house and set up for the party. The party had been a massive success, and it was only that night, as Fili was passing his uncle’s home office, that he heard Thorin admitting that he’d heard what Bilbo had shouted, and he’d left because he didn’t want his husband to know he’d ruined the surprise.

The next morning Fili and Thorin woke to find the entire kitchen covered in every type of cooked breakfast food you could imagine as an apology. To Thorin, for ruining the surprise, and to Fili, for his scathing words when he was helping Bilbo put up decorations. Bilbo had quite a temper when stressed, and had a tendency to say things in a way he didn’t mean.

“It could have been worse,” Fili said after thinking on it for a while.

“Yes. I could be sleeping on the couch again. Or in the shed.”Thorin shuddered at the thought of sleeping in the shed.

“The shed? You mean the one out the back where Bilbo keeps his gardening tools?” To say Fili was confused was an understatement.

Thorin sighed and pressed a bookmark between the pages before sitting it on the night stand. He leaned his elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped together, and hung his head, taking in a few deep breaths before he lifted it to look at Fili. Even after months of living with Dwalin, Fili was still far thinner than he should be. Dwalin had told Thorin that he still wasn’t eating what he used to, but he was much better than he had been when he’d arrived at Dwalin’s 6 months ago. Thorin hated himself just a little bit more seeing Fili in person.

“When Bilbo found you at Dwalin’s he was so mad. I’ve never seen him so angry. Not even at that horrible Lobelia woman.”

Fili raised a golden eyebrow at that. Lobelia was Bilbo’s cousin and she felt the need to have a say in everyone’s lives, Bilbo’s in particular. Fili remembered one particularly vicious phone call a few Christmas’ before, that had left Bilbo shaking with anger before he practically exploded. He hadn’t known that Bilbo knew quite so many insults and curse words before then. He still hadn’t told them what she had said, but the few things they had heard through the phone told them it was incredibly derogatory. If Bilbo was more mad than then, Fili was glad he wasn’t around to see it.

“Anyway, when I got home that day, he had some of my things in a bag. He was sitting in the kitchen, a half empty bottle of wine in front of him, and the bag on the floor. At first I thought he was moving out. Instead, he banished me to the shed. He’d cleaned it out, and had a bed set up in there. I was allowed in the house to shower and eat, but that was it.”

Fili couldn’t help but snort out a laugh at that. The image of a rumpled Thorin heading to the office every day, after sleeping in the shed was too good an image.

“Laugh all you want. He even made me use a Laundromat! He wouldn’t let me into the house to do my laundry Fili. I had to learn to iron my own shirts!”

Now FiIi lost it. His face was red with contained laughter until it burst out, and he held his sides as he laughed. Thorin had never ironed a shirt in his life. He was the CEO of one of the richest companies in the world. He’d always had someone else to do it. Before Bilbo moved in, he had employed 2 housekeepers to do those types of things.

“Yeah, hilarious,” Thorin groused, folding his arms and slouching in the chair, but he was pleased to see Fili laugh.

“I’d say I’m sorry,” Fili choked out as he tried to catch his breath, “but I’m not. You’d never ironed anything before in your life!” Finally he got his laughter under control, only a few giggles slipping through occasionally. “How long did that last?”

“6 weeks.” He ran a hand through his loose hair. “After about 3 weeks he let me back into the house most of the time, I only had to sleep out there. Eventually he let me back in properly. But I had a further 2 weeks on the couch before he’d let me back in the bedroom. It was his way of letting me know how much I’d screwed up with you.”

Fili was practically speechless. Ok, yes, the shed was practically a guest house, people had stayed in there before, but Fili got the feeling that Thorin had slept in the garden shed part, not the guest house part.

“So, you slept in the garden shed, and not the guest house?”

Thorin nodded. “He took the keys. Locked the door between the guest house part and the garden shed from the inside so I couldn’t have gone in, even if I’d tried.”

“6 weeks,” Fili breathed. “That seems a bit excessive. And then another 2 weeks on the couch?”

“I thought so at the time too, although now, seeing you in front of me, I’d say it wasn’t long enough. I should still be there.”

Fili laid a hand on Thorin’s arm. “No. I know you feel guilty, and to be honest, I haven’t actually forgiven you yet, but I don’t want you to wallow in guilt anymore. I know you; you’ve been doing that since the day it happened. It needs to stop. I’m ok. You know where I am, you know how to get a hold of me-”

“I don’t have your mobile number,” Thorin interrupted.

Fili dropped his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t have one.”

“What do you mean you don’t have one?”

“According to Dwalin, there are a lot of things Fili doesn’t have.” Bilbo’s voice came from the doorway, where he was leaning on the frame, arms crossed over his chest.

“Like what?” When Fili didn’t answer, Thorin started to see red. “Like **WHAT** Fili?”

“A laptop to start,” Bilbo said when it was clear he wasn’t going to answer.

“Why?” Thorin’s voice was quiet, the tone clearly telling all that he wasn’t to be messed around with.

“Laptops are expensive.” Fili’s gaze was on his hands where they nervously twisted the duvet, an old tic he thought he’d long overcome. Thorin noticed it too. He gently grabbed his hands, making him stop fidgeting.

“Is that the reason you don’t have a phone too?” Fili nodded miserably. “How do you get your school work done?”

“I do all the research, get all my notes together, practically write it out exactly as I want it, then I go to the university library and use their computers. It’s how I do my research too.”

Thorin let go of his hands and leaned back in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed. “Anything else?”

Fili shrugged. “Nothing that I’ve really missed.”

“Dwalin said he offered to buy you a few things, but you refused.” Bilbo came to sit on the side of the bed. “Why wouldn’t you accept the help Fili?”

Fili’s eyes flashed defiantly as he raised his head. “I don’t need help. I was doing fine!”

Thorin opened his mouth to let his opinion about that known but Bilbo not so subtly kicked him in the shin with his rather large foot.

“I’m sure you were Fili, we’re not saying you’re not capable, but Dwalin said he’d loan you the money to at least get something basic, and you could pay him back. He said you’re still working.” Bilbo inched closer to him until he was practically sitting on him, and took his hands into his own, rubbing his thumbs across the knuckles. “What’s this really about?”

Fili exploded off the bed, arms flying as his embarrassment turned to rage, almost knocking Bilbo in the head. “All I wanted to do was help people! You never even let me explain what I was doing!” He paced the space next to the bed. “All you heard was paramedic and you threw me out! Do you have any idea what I left with? What I managed to throw into that bag in the 20 minutes you gave me? It was the middle of summer! I didn’t even grab a proper winter coat! I had to buy one from a charity shop! And even now, I’m trying to pay for living costs and school things and the pay isn’t exactly great for people working in the service industry! I get that you’re scared, but I’m only studying right now, I’m not even working as a paramedic. If you wanted to throw me out you could have waited until I was finished studying. Did you know that when Dwalin found me I couldn’t even afford a cup of coffee? Or that Dori was sending me home with bags of pastries and muffins most days when I went to the coffee shop because he knew I was barely eating? Or that I went to there because it’s got a massive fire place and I couldn’t afford the heat my flat, small and shitty as it was? Or that I only have one scarf and pair of gloves because I couldn’t afford a second one? Or that I went without an umbrella for most of the first winter because mine broke and I needed to pay my rent and I really couldn’t afford to be wasting what little money I had on things that weren’t a necessity? Or how about the fact that I spent the first few weeks in homeless shelters because I didn’t have enough money for a deposit on a flat, and I didn’t have a job? I took the first three jobs I got because I needed somewhere to stay and I needed a way to pay for it. It was too late to apply for student housing, because I’d assumed I’d have a home. Did you know any of that?!”

When he finally turned around to face Thorin he stopped mid rant. Thorin’s face was white, and he was shaking. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and he had his hand wrapped tightly around Bilbo’s. Bilbo didn’t look much better. It was clear that neither of them knew the full extent of what he’d gone through. Although, how could they? He hadn’t even told Dwalin most of it. And he hadn’t intended to tell them about staying in the shelters. It had just slipped out. All his anger, and resentment, and fear combined and here was almost everything, out in the open.

Fili’s breath hitched as he tried not to cry again, and he slumped back onto the bed. “I... I just... I just wanted to come home!” He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “I just wanted to be like him. I don’t know anything about them Thorin, you never talk about them. I don’t know what he was like, or what he did in his spare time. I don’t know if mum was a good cook, or if she preferred to get dirty rather than play housewife. I know you say I look like him, but the only photo I have of them is their wedding photo. It’s the only one I’ve ever really seen. You don’t have any evidence of either of them. I don’t know them Thorin. I get that it was hard for you, that your whole life changed, and we both needed some time to adjust, but it was 15 years ago. I... I need to know who they were. I need to know who I am. I love you, both of you, but they’re my parents. I just want to know about them. Dwalin has told me more about them in the last 6 months than you ever have.”

He buried his face in his hands as he tried to get his emotions under control. He could feel another migraine building at the back of his head and he groaned. He knew better than to let his emotions get the better of him after one, but today it couldn’t be helped. And maybe it was better that it was all out in the open. He started when he felt the bed dip beside him, and Thorin’s arm wrap around him. He tried to tense up, but he didn’t have the energy.

“I’m sorry Fili.” He was surprised to hear tears in Thorin’s voice. He raised his head. He hadn’t seen his uncle cry since his parents’ funeral, but now he’d seen it twice in one day. “I didn’t think about what I was doing to you. Talking about your dad is hard for me. It always will be, but I didn’t think about what impact it would have on you.” He smiled softly, running a hand down Fili’s back. “You’re so much like him, even without the looks. Generally calm and placid, easy to get along with, diplomatic, but with that fiery Oakenshield temper underneath. You’re kind, and compassionate, and obstinate, but then, we all are.” He took a deep breath. “Stay for dinner? I’ll find the photo albums and we can talk.”

Fili nodded. “I’d like that.”

Thorin pressed a kiss to golden hair and stood, moving towards the door. “Fili?” He stopped in the doorway. “I’d really like it if you came home to stay. At least until you’re finished with study. And if not, your laptop and mobile are in a box under the bed.” And with that, he was gone, moving down the stairs to the cupboard where he had stored all of the things related to Frerin and Kara. It was past time they were bought out from the shadows.

********

Fili and Bilbo watched him walk out the door, and Bilbo moved to sit on the chair where Thorin had been. His green eyes were red rimed, and he had a few tears still clinging to his cheeks.

“Don’t look at me like that, please.”

“Like what, my boy?” He ran a hand over his face, getting rid of any last remaining tears.

“Like I’m broken.”

Bilbo huffed out a laugh. “You’re not broken Fili. You may be a little worse for wear, but you’re certainly not broken. You’ve been through a lot in your life, and what you’ve been through in the last 12 months is nothing to sneeze at, but you’re here, you’re whole, you’re... You’re ok. I think this will take some mending, and we all will have a role to play in that, but you’re ok, and you’re going to get better.”

Fili smiled softly at him. “Does he mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“He wants me to come home?”

“Certainly. He’s wanted you home from the day you left. And I think, after hearing what you’ve been through, he wants you home more than ever.” Bilbo paused. “I... I understand if you don’t want to come home, you’ve been through a lot and you’ve grown up, but we would both really like it if you came home. Or at least came around to visit. Maybe have dinner once or twice a week? If you don’t want to come home at least take some of your things with you when you leave tomorrow. Some more clothes, your laptop and phone, things like that. I know it will ease my mind and I’m sure it will ease Thorin’s as well.”

Fili sighed. “I’ll think about it. I can’t make any promises, and I definitely won’t be moving back in tomorrow, but I’ll think about it. It’s the holidays now; my last exam was 2 days ago, so I’ll definitely consider it.”

Bilbo stood and pressed a kiss to Fili’s head, just as his husband had done. “Thank you.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, dinner is ready. I just hope it hasn’t gone cold and chewy while we’ve been clearing the air.” Bilbo walked towards the door, turning when he made it to the doorway. “And I made apple crumble.”

Fili felt a grin overtake his face at Bilbo’s words. He’d missed his uncles cooking, but nothing more than his apple crumble. “I’ll be down in a minute. I just want to wash my face.”

Bilbo smiled and walked out of the room, humming as he did. His family was starting to put itself back together  

********

Dinner was quiet, each man thinking over what had been said, and what they had learned. There was a long way to go before they could put it all behind them, but it was a start they all so desperately needed. Finally finished, Thorin was surprised by how little of his main meal Fili ate, but glad when he had 2 helpings of crumble, Thorin ushered them all into the lounge where he had left the things he had removed from the cupboard. He gently pushed Fili to sit on the sofa, and handed him a heavy photo album.

“I found quite a few of these. Your mum was an avid photographer, so there are plenty of photos. I even found some old home movies but I’ll have to get the transferred to DVD before we can watch them.”

Fili ran a hand over the album cover. There, in the photo on the cover, were his parents. They couldn’t have been any older than early 20’s, and they were both grinning at the camera, Frerin wrapped around Kara from behind, his arms around her waist, her hands linked with his. They radiated love and happiness, and Fili felt tears in his eyes again as he touched a finger to their smiling faces.

“They look so happy,” he whispered.

“They were. I’ve never seen a couple so in love as those two. And then you came along, and their happiness and love grew exponentially.” Thorin came to sit beside him, 2 more albums in his hands. “You don’t have to look through them all tonight. You can even take them with you if you want, to look over better later.”

Fili nodded distractedly as he opened the first album, gasping at the photo. It was his mum on horseback, laughing so hard she was slipping in the saddle, and there in the photo next to it, was his dad, flat on his back in the mud, his horse standing behind him, placidly nibbling at the grass. He felt the tears roll down his cheek as he touched their faces. His mum laughing, his dad looking disgruntled.

“He never really got the hang of being on a horse. But he did it for her.” Thorin smiled sadly at the photos. “There was nothing he wouldn’t have done for you two. He loved you more than anything else in the world. They’d be so proud of you.”

Fili flipped a few pages before stopping at one of them taken on a boat. There were flippers on their feet, and masks and snorkels around their heads. “Your mother always wanted to take your father scuba diving. This was the closest she got.” Thorin chuckled. “Frerin forgot the sunscreen that day, and his face was so sunburnt. He had this massive white patch on his head where he’d forgotten to take the mask off. We all thought it was hilarious. Even your grandfather laughed that day.”

A few more pages flipped and there they were, dressed in all their 80’s finery. “Look at her hair,” he whispered. Her dark hair was piled up in an elaborate hair style, something so typically 80’s that Fili had to grin.

“That’s from Gloin’s wedding. It wasn’t too long after your parent’s were married actually.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“She really was. You may look like your father the most, but there are definitely things you share with your mother.”

More pages flipped and there they stood, outside the house they had lived in when Fili was born. “Your father was so proud that day. It was their first house. It wasn’t much, and your grandfather was furious they weren’t living in something more upmarket, but neither of them ever cared about money. Even though they both came from wealthy families, they both worked hard for what they had.”

Fili flipped to the last page of the book and stopped. There on the last page, was a photo almost the size of the page. It was his mum, clearly in a hospital bed, her face tired, and tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, his father sat behind her. And in her arms, a baby Fili. The proud new parents were clearly besotted with this new little person they had made, and neither was looking at the camera. They were both entirely focused on Fili. Baby Fili had his hand wrapped around one of Frerin’s fingers as he stared up at his parents, and both Kara and Frerin looked down with love and wonder. Fili ran soft fingers over their faces.

“This was taken only minutes after you were born. Frerin asked me to take it. I don’t even think they were aware of my presence. The doctor came out, told me to go in but be quiet and take the photos. Everyone was aware of your mother’s wishes. I watched the nurses clean you up and hand you to your mother and that was it. Everyone else failed to exist for her. She told me once that, even though she had loved you from the time she knew of your existence, all other love paled in comparison to that which she felt when you were placed in her arms. Your father told me something similar. I remember him saying that it hadn’t felt real until you were there, real and needing to be looked after. He said he had never loved your mum as much as he had that day.”

“I miss them. I don’t even know them, but I miss them.” He let his tears gently roll down his cheeks as he stared at the first family photo.

“They loved you Fili. More than anything else in the world. And I know how proud of you they would be. I’m glad they’re not here to see what a mess I made of raising you.”

Fili raised his head, looking at his uncle, the man he loved more than anything, the man who had raised him to be strong, and independent, kind and generous, loving and friendly. “Don’t say that. You didn’t make a mess of it. Yes, the last 12 months were a bit of a screw up, but I couldn’t have asked for better people to raise me when they couldn’t. You didn’t have to take me in when they died. I know Grandma asked to have me, but **_you_** did it. **_You_** raised me, and you did a good job. Don’t hate what you’ve done the last 15 years because of one mistake.”

Thorin cupped his cheek gently and thumbed away more tears. “You’re just like her. She would have said exactly the same thing.” Fili gave him a watery smile. “Will you come home?”

He bit his lip. “I... I don’t know yet. I want to but... there’s just so much I need to work through first. There are things we need to talk about before I do. But I’ll take my phone, and I’ll keep in touch. I’ll come for dinner a couple of nights a week.”

“Bilbo’s idea that everything can be fixed with food?”

“Not quite. But it’s a start?” Fili shrugged. “I’ve missed you both. And I want to come home. I just need some time to process first.”

Thorin licked his lips and sighed, dropping his hand down to his lap. “Fair enough. I want you to do something for me though. I want you to give up working.” Fili opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Thorin held up a hand. “Not the paramedic stuff. I know that you’re doing that only a few hours a week, and mainly for the experience and practical hours, but give up the actual jobs. You need time to be with your friends, go out, and be a university student. You need time to study, and sleep, and do things someone your age should be doing. I’ll give you an allowance, so you’ve got enough money coming in to pay for the things you need and want, but please Fili, give up the other jobs.”

Fili’s first instinct was to say no; that he really didn’t need Thorin’s help, but the truth was, he did. He barely had time to sleep between studying, classes, working and the paramedic internship, and he would be grateful for the extra time. Finally he nodded.

“Ok. I’ll do that.”

“Good. I want you to pick up your hobbies again. Do some things for _you_.” He opened his arms and Fili practically fell into them. He already knew that he would move back home, and before the next school year started in September, but he wasn’t ready to tell Thorin that. It was enough that he was there, wrapped up in Thorin’s arms, his worries about money, and study, and everything else lifted from his shoulders.

And he could finally get to know the parent’s he lost when he was 4 years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! That is finally, mostly, resolved. Now to finish the happy FiKi future fic :D

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately Fili's experience with migraines is based on my own. No amount of medication really works, and all I can do is basically manage it when I get one. And I've had doctors tell me that they can't possibly be as bad as I say, and that I must be lying that the medication doesn't work. Needless to say I'm not the biggest fan of doctors when it comes to migraines.  
> I promise to get back to Fili and Kili in present times soon. Maybe even next fic. It's in the works, promise. Thanks for all the comments and kudos on the other fics. It keeps me writing.


End file.
